Love this! The metaphor of relationships as a horizontal layer is such a refreshing perspective, especially in how it reframes connection as foundational rather than transactional. It made me think about the "relational infrastructure" we often take for granted. Curious, how do you think this horizontal layer functions when one person brings deep empathy and the other(s) doesn’t? In those moments, it can feel like one person is doing all the emotional labor and holding the weight of the connection. How do we engage meaningfully in relationships when empathy is uneven or missing?
Such a great comment and question, Nisreen. I love the concept of the 'relational infrastructure' – it's true that it can be so implicit, we overlook it.
One-sided empathy can be incredibly draining, can't it? When one person is doing all the heavy lifting to staying aware, open, and compassionate, it can kinda take away from the shared ownership of the situation. Sometimes I try to bring things back to shared goals and outcomes: boiling things down to what can be agreed upon, instead of focusing on the way the work is getting done. From that shared agreement it's possible (maybe!) to shift the other party's viewpoint and get them to see other perspectives (and maybe learn about their viewpoint in the process). Not easy, but often worth the work.
But if I'm completely honest, I've given up on a non-compassionate work relationship or two in the past. Building and maintaining boundaries, especially when it comes to emotional labor, is equally important as meeting people halfway. In the end we have to conserve our emotional energy and spend it in effective ways, just like our waking hours or our physical efforts. So above all I'd say: take care of yourself so that you can show up when it really matters.
Love this! The metaphor of relationships as a horizontal layer is such a refreshing perspective, especially in how it reframes connection as foundational rather than transactional. It made me think about the "relational infrastructure" we often take for granted. Curious, how do you think this horizontal layer functions when one person brings deep empathy and the other(s) doesn’t? In those moments, it can feel like one person is doing all the emotional labor and holding the weight of the connection. How do we engage meaningfully in relationships when empathy is uneven or missing?
Such a great comment and question, Nisreen. I love the concept of the 'relational infrastructure' – it's true that it can be so implicit, we overlook it.
One-sided empathy can be incredibly draining, can't it? When one person is doing all the heavy lifting to staying aware, open, and compassionate, it can kinda take away from the shared ownership of the situation. Sometimes I try to bring things back to shared goals and outcomes: boiling things down to what can be agreed upon, instead of focusing on the way the work is getting done. From that shared agreement it's possible (maybe!) to shift the other party's viewpoint and get them to see other perspectives (and maybe learn about their viewpoint in the process). Not easy, but often worth the work.
But if I'm completely honest, I've given up on a non-compassionate work relationship or two in the past. Building and maintaining boundaries, especially when it comes to emotional labor, is equally important as meeting people halfway. In the end we have to conserve our emotional energy and spend it in effective ways, just like our waking hours or our physical efforts. So above all I'd say: take care of yourself so that you can show up when it really matters.
Thanks for your comment!
I'm a huge fan of Brene Brown's BIG approach in imbalanced situations like the ones described:
"What Boundaries need to be in place for me to maintain my Integrity and make the most Generous assumptions about you?"
This has been such a useful framing for me in balancing self compassion with empathy for others.
Love the framing of boundaries, integrity, and generosity! And love Brene's work. :) Thanks Amy!